we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
