are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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