??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
