You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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