Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
