Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
