2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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