he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
