I didn't shave. On purpose
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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