my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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