my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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