Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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