he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
nutella sex= disaster
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
