This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
