Barsexuality is the new black.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
