So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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