Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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