I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
