He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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