sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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