So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
