we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
