dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
