Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
