you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
