I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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