She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
