a queef is a wish your heart makes.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
