I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
PANTIES FOUND
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