I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
