sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
did you just send me my own nude
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
