I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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