A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
