Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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