no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
