I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
