evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
