i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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