I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
