i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
