Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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