one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
