I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
