we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
