Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
