ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
