So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm at about main and main street
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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