i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
