Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
