hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
